Shop the MH Superstore!


“A laptop computer missing from the State Department contained thousands of classified documents, including highly sensitive information about the sources and methods of U.S. intelligence collection, State Department officials said yesterday.”
– Washington Post, April 22, 2000

Well, not thousands.

Aldrich Ames
Klaus Fuchs
NOTE: there may be others
Demi Moore
El Duque
Stephen Jay Gould
Charlotte Church
Senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan (D-New York)
Mia Hamm and the U.S. Women’s Soccer Team
NOTE: probably should recruit some more

Level-1 clearance ("pass")
Level-2 clearance ("p4ss")
Level-3 clearance ("1776")
Level-4 clearance ("420")
Level-5 clearance ("password")

Monday: Mike
Tuesday: Julie
Wednesday: free shred
Thursday: family day
Friday: Secret Shred Santa


Sting = Gordon Sumner!!!
Bob Dylan = Robert Zimmerman
Captain Kangaroo = Bob Keeshan
stick bugs = just bugs
zebras = tigers

Radium Red
Plutonium Peach
Luminous Lavender
Geiger-Counter Green
Bomb Blue

Ritchie Valens
Michael Hutchence
Dana Plato
Charles Schulz
Matthew Perry (spring 2001)

peeing on shrubbery
chewing on slippers
being so darn cute
tons of murders

"Boy Meets World": drugs are bad
"The West Wing": government is awesome
Sisqo’s "The Thong Song": China deserves most-favored-nation status
‘N Sync’s "Bye Bye Bye": Parting can be difficult
Francis Scott Key’s "Star Spangled Banner": America is a great, glorious land
Jimi Hendrix’s "Star Spangled Banner": Stay in school

(#78: "What did Jackie say to the underwater munitions expert?"
"The First Lady was unaware of this operation.")

"shorty" – snub-nosed Hauer submachine gun
"in the hiz-ous" – inside the hiz-ous
"808" – eight hundred plus eight
"blunt" – direct and to-the-point
"5-0" – police!

Tom DeLay’s secret wives
John Kasich’s vagina fetish
Dennis Hastert’s loneliness
Game cheats to Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater

free subscription to Hustler
waffle-iron he was going to donate to charity anyway

Potential names: Julio, Ruben, Elian, Gunnar


Copyright 2011 Modern Humorist, Inc.
All Rights Reserved.
Modern Humorist is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.