 |
Called
Norman Schwarzkopf "Stormin' Mormon." |
 |
Invited
Saddam Hussein to dinner and then forgot to poison the salad. |
 |
Slipped
away with Mark Wahlberg and Ice Cube to steal Saddam’s gold. |
 |
Forgot
to turn off his cell phone during the Battle of Rumaylah. |
 |
Claiming
they had no business being in the Middle East to begin with, fired
into an encampment of unarmed South Koreans. |
 |
Held
map upside down and, as a result, got involved in the 50-year Colombian
civil war. |
 |
Killed
Private Ryan. |
 |
When
one of his soldiers asked, "How’s it going?" accidentally
replied "Not much." |
 |
Ordered
pepper steak thinking it was the same as steak au poivre. |
 |
Drunkenly
told reporter Sy Hersh, "They had their Lai, I want My Lai." |
 |
Bit
the head off a monkey, dove into a crowd of surly teens, and shouted
"I am the Drug Czar!" |
 |
Bought
Stayfree Ultra Thin Maxi instead of Always with Wings for Mrs. McCaffrey. |
 |
Brushed
his teeth with U.S. Army Tubed Clams Casino instead of Crest. |
 |
Agreed
to be Ross Perot's running mate. |
 |
Mistook
the war on drugs for an actual war. |
 |
Swore
up and down the barracks that Dean Stockwell was in "Alien,"
beat two California Reservists senseless for disagreeing. Calmed
down when Colin Powell reminded him that it was actually Harry Dean
Stanton. |
 |
Lost
his keys in a pile of charred corpses. |
|
