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"New questions have emerged about the conduct of one of the top American commanders in the Persian Gulf war after a member of his unit complained that troops had pummeled retreating Iraqi forces in an unprovoked attack."
—The New York Times

Called Norman Schwarzkopf "Stormin' Mormon."
Invited Saddam Hussein to dinner and then forgot to poison the salad.
Slipped away with Mark Wahlberg and Ice Cube to steal Saddam’s gold.
Forgot to turn off his cell phone during the Battle of Rumaylah.
Claiming they had no business being in the Middle East to begin with, fired into an encampment of unarmed South Koreans.
Held map upside down and, as a result, got involved in the 50-year Colombian civil war.
Killed Private Ryan.
When one of his soldiers asked, "How’s it going?" accidentally replied "Not much."
Ordered pepper steak thinking it was the same as steak au poivre.
Drunkenly told reporter Sy Hersh, "They had their Lai, I want My Lai."
Bit the head off a monkey, dove into a crowd of surly teens, and shouted "I am the Drug Czar!"
Bought Stayfree Ultra Thin Maxi instead of Always with Wings for Mrs. McCaffrey.
Brushed his teeth with U.S. Army Tubed Clams Casino instead of Crest.
Agreed to be Ross Perot's running mate.
Mistook the war on drugs for an actual war.
Swore up and down the barracks that Dean Stockwell was in "Alien," beat two California Reservists senseless for disagreeing. Calmed down when Colin Powell reminded him that it was actually Harry Dean Stanton.
Lost his keys in a pile of charred corpses.

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