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Q:
What is the ILOVEYOU virus?
A:
The ILOVEYOU virus is the biggest threat to computers since
newer, faster computers. According to Eric Chien of the Symantec Antivirus
Research Center, the viruss creator is most likely "a student,
probably 14-28 years old, and probably male as well." He is also
"probably really into computers," Chien might as well have
added, for all the help hes been.
Q:
How do viruses like ILOVEYOU work?
A:
If I told you, you could go and make one yourself. Also,
I have no idea.
Q:
Who was affected by it?
A:
Nearly 30 percent of businesses in Great Britain, and nearly
80 percent in Sweden, are poorly run and mismanaged. Im sorry,
what was the question?
Q:
Never mind. How is the government combating the ILOVEYOU virus?
A:
The Justice Department wants to break it up into two separate
viruses, ILOVE and YOU.
Q:
How does the ILOVEYOU virus spread?
A:
Hallmark cards, good parenting, the movie "Ghost,"
orgasms.
Q:
Are there copycat viruses I should watch out for?
A:
Yes. Do not open any e-mail with the following subject
lines:
- I
U
- IWUVYOU
- BEMINE
- LETSKNOCKBOOTS
Q:
What happens if you send the ILOVEYOU virus to yourself?
A:
You go blind.
Q:
Can you get the ILOVEYOU virus from a toilet seat?
A:
No. Only from unprotected anal sex.
Q:
I got a message from this guy at school who Im totally crushing
on, and the subject says "ILOVEYOU." Should I open it?
A:
No. It may be the virus.
Q:
But what if its not? What if hes finally confessing,
and hes doing it over e-mail because hes, like, really
shy, which is so cute, and if I dont open it, Ill
never know how he really feels?
A:
If its important to you, call him. Do not open
the e-mail.
Q:
Omigod, it says, "Kindly check the attached LOVELETTER coming
from me." Should I open the attachment?
A:
No. Its almost certainly the virus.
Q:
But he says its coming from him. Why would he say that if
it wasnt true? Im going to open it
Ha! Its
not the virus its a real letter! I knew it.
A:
What does it say?
Q:
It says
"Like Id ever go out with someone as
careless about computer security as you!" Oh! I wish it was
the stupid virus.
A:
Im going to take questions from someone else
now.
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Copyright 2011 Modern Humorist, Inc.
All Rights Reserved.
Modern Humorist is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.
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