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Ever since New Year's Day, [children/sad-eyed businessmen] of all ages have been flocking to [IMAX theatres/the Booby Trap on Airport Road] to witness the long-anticipated return of Fantasia, now appearing in [general theatrical release/three shows a night].

Fantasia's original debut [
more than a half-century/eight months] ago was hailed by many as a watershed event in the history of [feature-length animation/couch dancing]. Sadly [Mr. Disney's labor of love/this naughty, naughty lady] turned out to be a [box-office flop/volatile speed freak], leading some observers to suggest that the viewing public was not yet ready for such experiments in [high-minded animation/Bangkok-style pyrotechnics].

Featuring [
seven new animated sequences/something upward of a D-cup] and [live-action narration by such celebrities as Steve Martin and Itzhak Perlman/several fresh tattoos], the [newly re-imagined/surgically reinvigorated] Fantasia nonetheless remains true to the past by wedding [classical/thumping house] music with state-of-the-art [animation techniques/pole-swinging acrobatics]. The restoration of ["The Sorcerer's Apprentice"/the 180-degree booty-slide] starring [Mickey Mouse/her booty] casts the same spell as the original. And far from detracting from the earlier magic, the addition of [new vignettes/hot girl-on-girl action] helps draw the viewer into a [world of pure imagination/V.I.P lounge with floor-to-ceiling carpeting].

Some critics, of course, have lamented that the much-loved "Nutcracker" segment has not been retained. Others have argued that the new musical selections leave something to be desired, the work of [
George Gershwin/C+C Music Factory] having become hopelessly passé. Nevertheless, the re-tooled version is well worth the [price of admission/$8 rum and Cokes], providing [children/sad-eyed businessmen] of all ages with a welcome escape from their lives of [quiet desperation/quiet desperation].

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