To my beloved family, to everyone here in Los Angeles, to the more than eight thousand people watching this broadcast around the country: Hello, my name is Al Gore, and it's a pleasure to meet you. I feel I should introduce myself, since I am sure none of you have any preconceived notions about me. For the past eight years, I have been fighting for you in Washington, helping to create the longest period of economic prosperity in our nation's history. I'd rather not say what my job was. Secret government stuff.

I say to you tonight, let me fight for you again, this time as your president, on matters great and small, because that is something at which I am very good. No matter is too small for my attention, not here at the convention—where I ensured that the port-a-potty ratio was the three-male-to-five-female ratio recommended by the EEOC—and not in Washington where I will bring similar efficiency to federal restrooms and beyond.

Consider: Although today's pocket calculator has five times the computing power of machines that once ran on five hundred vacuum tubes, today's Congress does eighty-one times less for the people despite its five hundred thirty-seven members. A chilling statistic. Did you know that after the Civil War, veterans had to come all the way to Washington to get their pensions? I am a proud veteran, who served in Vietnam.

I served in Vietnam.

But enough about me. The great city hosting us tonight reflects my commitment to prosperity and tolerance. One hundred years ago, the entertainment industry was built here by a diverse panoply of dreamers, storytellers and accountants. I salute this industry, and will fight for it against piracy in China. Also, I condemn this industry.

Joe condemns it too, demonstrating that both of us are fully capable of condemning things, though not necessarily at the same time or as vehemently. We call on the entertainment industry to be inspiring and optimistic, like California, with her natural splendor and her laid-back "Don Henley sound." I will fight to take the entertainment industry down to the Sunset Grill and watch the working girls go by.

Let us pledge to enrich our society by fighting for families. Raise your right hand and repeat after me: "I," state your name, "pledge to fight for families." There. Good. Let us reject the Republican Congress's stated policy of kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down. Kick 'em when they're up, kick 'em when they're down.

I'd like to go back to efficiency for a second. I was talking with a group of college students a few years ago, and I pointed out that if today's cars made the same advances as computers, a Cadillac would get 100,000 miles to the gallon—and cost about fifty cents. Then one of the students in the front row said: "Sure, but it would be about the size of a postage stamp."

We all shared a long, hearty laugh, using humor to connect in an easy, instinctive way—as I often do, with many kinds of people, just because I enjoy that. Then I explained why he was wrong.

I propose to make America the first nation on Earth with universal computer literacy. We'll post that goal on the Internet, and when we get about two hundred sixty million unique visitor sessions, we'll know we have achieved it. The next Thomas Edison or Marie Curie could be waiting in an inner city or on an isolated farm or at a prep school in Alexandria.

Let us pledge tonight to enrich our society through environmentalism, because we all live on planet Earth no matter what part of it we hail from. ¿Sabás que la temperatura promedio de la Antártida es nada menos que 20°C bajo cero? It's true.

I propose to make my time as president the Environmental Decade. Just kidding. Our Constitution mandates my terms can total but eight consecutive years. I have been much criticized for suggesting that America end its reliance on the internal combustion engine. I say to you it can be done. I know because I have built a water engine in my garage. It works, and it gives off a scent like blueberries. I can see the impact of this engine, and I can see you, your brown skin shining in the sun. You've got the top pulled down and the radio on.

Let us pledge to enrich our society through fighting crime, using the latest technology not only for executions, which I support, but to deter crime too. To those who say this will threaten privacy, I say privacy is a fundamental right, no matter what language you speak. En Netscape Communicator 4.x, first haga clic en "Preferencias." Then, haga clic en "Avanzado." En el cuadro de diálogo Cookies, haga clic en el botón de radio:

a. Aceptar todos los cookies.
b. Aceptar sólo cookies reenviados al servidor de origen.

My fellow Americans, I love this country. And you, with whom I feel such a strong and unforced connection, I know you do too. Conducting a poll to find that out was never an option.Thank you, and may G-d bless America.