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The Screen Actors Guild and the American Federation
of Television and Radio Artists today announced that
negotiations for a new commercials contract with the
advertising industry would resume in New York City on
Wednesday, September 13. — SAG/AFTRA press release

To: The Industry (aka “Suits,” “Ad Monkeys,” “Greaseballs”)
From: National Board of Directors of SAG and AFTRA
Re: Why we're still on strike

Agreements reached: Smoked gouda to be included on bargaining table cheese tray.

Demands not yet satisfied:

  • Head shots must be increased 10 percent, to 8.8" x 11".
  • “Wassssuuup?” will now count as 10 lines, rather than a sound effect.
  • Double-scale for saying, “It’s not Head and Shoulders. It’s new and improved Head and Shoulders.”
  • Lower burden of proof for "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" to reasonable doubt it's not butter.
  • Adequate compensation for auditions in which casting director says, “What the hell was I thinking?” “What the hell were you thinking?” or “Okay, send your daughter in.”
  • Complimentary dried smoked pig ear on set at all times (Taco Bell Chihuahua only).
  • Overhaul of voice-over pay structure. For some reason, under the current system, 50 percent of wages are automatically garnished to James Earl Jones.
  • No more use of the word “garnished” during contract talks. Most of us have to say that enough during the dinner shift.
  • Option to cold cock any director who, during cereal commercial shoot, utters the phrase, “I need a little more Adam Sandler.”
  • We will not, under any circumstances, share a dressing room with an animated character.
  • The right to sing show tunes on the picket line, even after the strike is settled.
  • Additional employer contributions to union health plan for coverage of collagen and St. John's Wort.
  • Option to say, “I'm Tim, I'll be your waiter this evening, and I'm seeking representation.” Even if we are not seeking representation.
  • Twenty percent over scale if script calls for use of invented adjectives such as “lemonrific” or “minivantastic.” (This item is non-negotiablicious.)
  • No cracks about Charlton Heston's hairpiece, in support of our union brothers in Local 796 — Artificial Turf Layers.
  • You break the strike, you bought the strike.

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