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| Outfield |
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1.
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Outfield permanently shifted right (Rupert Murdoch's orders). |
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2.
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Malcolm in the middle. |
Infield |
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3.
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Shortstop will wear tight pants. Shortstop will arch back frequently and pout with full lips when unable to complete 4-5-2 double play. Shortstop will be played by Jessica Alba. |
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4.
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Glowing, computer-generated purple circle will spotlight location of pitcher's mound. |
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5.
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Home plate umpire on Sundays: Brit Hume. |
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6.
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Second base pad repeats a different Ally McBeal whine each time a player slides into it. |
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7.
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For maximum flavor protection, catchers will be required to place a freshly microwaved Hot Pocket® in each pants pocket. |
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8.
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Baseball caps will be worn sideways. |
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9.
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Black players will be Wayanses. |
| 10. |
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Batters standing in batter's box will be encouraged to think outside batter's box. |
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Updated Rules:
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| • |
Goodbye, "innings." Hello, "Freakylinks." |
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All curve balls must be pitched in slow motion. |
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The team with the most balks wins. |
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All players who fail to reach third base will be ridiculed as prudes. |
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Alternating Designated Hitter replaced with Permanent Designated Farter. |
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Hits to be accompanied by $3 million sound effect mimicking "sound of bat against ball."
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