Shop the MH Superstore!

"Fox has a history of generating a buzz around every sporting activity
it covers, and that can only enhance baseball's appeal to its audience."

—Don Hinchey, sports marketing analyst,
on Major League Baseball's new television home

Outfield permanently shifted right (Rupert Murdoch's orders).
Malcolm in the middle.

Shortstop will wear tight pants. Shortstop will arch back frequently and pout with full lips when unable to complete 4-5-2 double play. Shortstop will be played by Jessica Alba.
Glowing, computer-generated purple circle will spotlight location of pitcher's mound.
Home plate umpire on Sundays: Brit Hume.
Second base pad repeats a different Ally McBeal whine each time a player slides into it.
For maximum flavor protection, catchers will be required to place a freshly microwaved Hot Pocket® in each pants pocket.
Baseball caps will be worn sideways.
Black players will be Wayanses.
10. Batters standing in batter's box will be encouraged to think outside batter's box.

Updated Rules:
Goodbye, "innings." Hello, "Freakylinks."
All curve balls must be pitched in slow motion.
The team with the most balks wins.
All players who fail to reach third base will be ridiculed as prudes.
Alternating Designated Hitter replaced with Permanent Designated Farter.
Hits to be accompanied by $3 million sound effect mimicking "sound of bat against ball."

Copyright 2011 Modern Humorist, Inc.
All Rights Reserved.
Modern Humorist is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.