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How closely were you watching last night's presidential debate? Either try to remember, or take this quiz to find out. You will be graded using fuzzy math, so just give the best answer, not necessarily the correct one.


1. In what kind of receptacle would Gore put Medicare and Social Security?
 a. iron-clad lockbox
b. velvet-clad lockbox
c. iron-clad uterus
d. Kate Spade handbag


2. According to Gore, how are the children in Dade County schools suffering?
 a. have to stand up in the back of overcrowded classrooms
b. forced to eat lunch at 9:30 a.m.
c. subjected to the grating sound of the Spanish language
d. required to read John Knowles' "A Separate Peace"


3. When asked about his tax plan, Bush said:
 a. "Did you say 'plan' or 'flan'? Because I love flan."
b. "Man loves his wife. And I appreciate that a lot."
c. [twitches, smiles weakly]
d. "A man. A tax plan. A canal. Pxatanama."


4. Bush said, "The man's running on 'Mediscare.'" What were his backup puns?
 a. "Ghost-al Security"
b. "Hell-fare reform"
c. "Mediscaid"
d. "the I.R.Ass."
e. "Jim Liar-hrer"


5. What did Bush accuse Gore of inventing?
 a. the calculator
b. the six-foot bong
c. coherent foreign policy
d. verb-noun agreement


6. What debate rule was not violated by the candidates?
 a. observe time limit for responses
b. no foreign objects in the ring
c. no talking
d. no blackface


7. What is Gore's criterion for military intervention in other countries?
 a. giving us that look
 b. getting all up in our grille
c. looking all Asian
d. genocide (white people)


8. Which typical job-interview question did Jim Lehrer forget to ask?
 a. "How will you respond to the unexpected?"
b. "Why should we hire you?"
c. "If Kitty Dukakis were raped and murdered, would you be comfortable with Microsoft Excel?"
d. "Would you take a bullet for you?"


9. Gore obviously followed his mother's advice:
a. "Smile, relax, attack."
b. "Pout, shriek, caper about."
c. "Set yourself apart with a red power tie."
d. "Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free, son?"

10. Which emoticon best describes Gore's face during Bush's answers?

=:) :;() *===:(

11. Blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah?
a. blah seniors blah fuzzy math
b. fuzzy blah
c. surely, blah blah seniors
d. iron-clad lock-blah

12. Bush referred to Gore's "big, exploding government." What was causing this explosion?
a. old-style Washington politics
b. pockets of deep gas
c. Wen Ho Lee
d. Jessica Alba's full, luscious lips

13. Everyone looked surprised when Bush didn't stumble over:
a. the word "Milosevic"
b. the pile of deposit cans gathered by Winifred Skinner
c. the bags under Jim Lehrer's eyes
d. Jessica Alba's full, luscious lips

14. If you, like Gore mascot Winifred Skinner, couldn't afford medication, which of the following luxuries would you give up?
a. the trip to Boston
b. the poodle
c. the Winnebago
d. the poodle's medication

15. According to Bush, what should abortions be?
a. rare
b. medium rare
c. televised
d. fun

 

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