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THE
ESSENCE OF DEMOCRACY is the guarantee that every citizen’s
voice be heard, if not by means of an erroneously-marked ballot,
then by means of an online public opinion poll. We promise that
we will not arbitrarily set your opinion aside because it is too
difficult to count or because you’re obviously just hitting
keys at random.
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Regarding the overall election situation, which statement comes
closest to your view?
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The election has gone on too long already |
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I
am willing to wait a little longer for a final resolution. What
time is it now, about 3:30? |
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Al Gore’s penis has gone on too long already |
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The dance remix of Fatboy Slim’s "Retox" has gone on too long already |
What do you feel should happen next?
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Al
Gore should take his ass-whupping like a man |
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George W. Bush should wipe that smirk off his face |
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Both sides should keep fighting indefinitely; this is much more fun than having a president |
In your opinion, the winner should be:
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Whoever
has the most votes |
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Whoever
has the most lawyers |
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Whoever
stands in front of the more flags |
In your opinion, the vote count should be:
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Full, fair and accurate |
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Lusty and busty |
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Whatever my little brother says it is |
George W. Bush’s perpetually furrowed brow during his latest public address is evidence that:
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He appreciates the gravity of this historical situation |
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He was trying to sound out the word "electoral" |
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He was still trying to come up with a good answer for Jim Lehrer |
Which of the following best expresses your opinion: I’d be more willing to support Al Gore if he:
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Had more American flags behind him |
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Wore a suit made entirely out of American flags |
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Had won the election |
How do you think George W. Bush is handling the situation surrounding the election results?
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Dignified and statesmanlike, with a bare minimum of boil outbreaks |
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Physical and mental coordination impaired, judgement affected, visual perception distorted |
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Plays well with others |
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Runs with scissors |
With the Supreme Court scheduled to hear arguments related to the voting in Florida, the Court should:
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Allow its proceedings to be broadcast on television |
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Allow
"Freaks and Geeks" to be broadcast on television |
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Add a tenth member so there won’t be any more ties |
Given the General Service Administration’s refusal to
give the Bush team access to the official transition office space,
how should Dick Cheney proceed?
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See if the GSA keeps a spare key under the doormat |
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Pretend to be a janitor, slip inside when nobody’s looking and then let the rest of the team in through the window |
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Loosen any tight clothing, immediately take two aspirin, wait calmly until the ambulance arrives |
Of the political arguments and legal analyses you’ve heard the Republicans make, which do you think is the most effective:
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Sore Loserman 2000! |
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Whore Jewman 2000! |
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Gore-Lieberman 2000 — you suck! |
In your opinion, the suggestion of federal interest in the manner in which States resolve "controversies or contests concerning the appointment of" presidential electors as per Title 3, Section 5 of the United States Code implies:
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Supreme Court jurisdiction over the proceedings in Florida |
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How
come you couldn't be a lawyer like Margie’s son, Jeff? |
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Sore Loserman 2000! Wooo! |
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Although I fully understand the question, I just don’t want to tell you the answer |
How can media coverage of the election situation most be improved?
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Networks should refrain from projecting a winner before everybody has had a chance to vote for Pat Buchanan |
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Networks
should represent Democratic states with periwinkle and Republican
states with garnet |
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Change CBS News theme music from Ba-ba-ba-BUM-BUM-ba-BA-ba-bum to Bum-bum-BA-bum-bum-BA-ba-bum |
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Transfer Brian Williams from MSNBC to that Russian news show where they broadcast naked |
Which of these statements do you think best describes the situation that has occurred since the election for president?
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It’s a Constitutional crisis, not that I’ve read the Constitution or anything
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It’s creamy and delicious
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It’s
like really ironical, man, ‘cause of how the U.S. sends election
observers to Third World countries and everything and now they
could send them here
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