Arthur's Valentine
by Marc Tolon Brown

Prepare your kids for the inevitable rejection they'll face when they reach 5th grade and receive the fewest Valentines in their class.

Love is Hell
By Matt Groening

Was it really ten years ago that Matt Groening's “Love Is Hell” first came out? No, it was 17. But it was ten back in 1994 when this handsome 10th anniversary edition was published. These cartoons are the ideal Valentine's gift for the jailbait in your life who has no idea what Groening did before “The Simpsons.”

Savage Love
By Dan Savage

Even if Dan Savage had never been accused of biological terrorism by Gary Bauer, he'd still be our all-time favorite sex columnist. If you're even remotely interested in laughing your ass off or inserting something into it, this is the book for you.

High Fidelity
By Nick Hornby

Women should read this book to understand what men are thinking. So should men. Yeah, we thought the movie was pretty funny too, but the book is the real thing.

Women
By Charles Bukowski

In this intensely honest and darkly funny book, the hard-drinking poet and novelist writes about a sex-filled period of his life and fails to answer the age-old question, "What is love and why does it make us so crazy?"

I'm Losing You
By Bruce Wagner

Taboo sexuality, terminal illness, and cell phones take center stage in this exquisitely wrought modern parable about life, love and loss. Skip chapter four if you've already bathed.

Living Single in a Double World: the Joys of Living Alone
By Marjorie Barton

Valentine’s Day can be annoying to the Garbos of the world. This book will remind them that their pathetic and aberrant lifestyle is just as valid as that of normal people.

Christian Men Who Hate Women
By Dr. Margaret J. Rinck

Another reminder that coupledom is not for everyone. Note: Don’t be fooled by the title—this is not actually a list of names.

Worst Case Scenario Handbook
by Joshua Piven, David Borgenicht

So you’re walking home from a romantic dinner with your Valentine when suddenly, you’re attacked by a swarm of killer bees. What to do? Read the book. Depending on how the rest of the night goes, you may also want to be well versed in other sections like “How to Treat Frostbite” and “How to Jump from a Building into a Dumpster.” And what if your sweetheart cooks you dinner and serves haggis? In that case, click here.

Growing Up Brady
by Barry Williams with Chris Kreski

Can you believe America’s favorite mom, Florence Henderson, turns 67 on Valentine’s Day? In this tell-all book, her fictional son, Greg, recounts trying to get into the pants of both his on-set mom and sister. Better get out the Wesson oil for this steamy read!

Holy Bible
Author unknown

An extended (!!!) love letter from a Semitic creator God to His people. Read how an antiquated belief system, almost impossible to fathom from today's psychologically sophisticated paradigm, gets its believers into some serious pickles.

Bonobo, The Forgotten Ape
By Frans De Waal and Frans Lanting

To quote the New York Times review: "Any tension within a bonobo group is normally resolved by a quick orgy, in which they all have sex with one another, in all positions and combinations." Maybe they should’ve called the title Bonobo, The Forbidden Ape. Yeah.

The Letters of Abelard and Heloise
By Peter Abelard, Heloise, Betty Radice

A 100% true guide for when your tutor becomes your lover and then gets castrated for being with you.

Jimmy Corrigan : The Smartest Kid on Earth
By Chris Ware

If you love, or even just like, graphic novels, you should read this moving epic. Ware's startling art illuminates the dark recesses of a child-like man's memory. Pictures are pretty.