Closing Time
Tom Waits

Remember those lonely summer nights, sitting on the back porch reminiscing about the past and composing twelve amazing love songs? You will.

Swingin' Easy
Sarah Vaughan

Ever fall in love with somebody other than yourself? This would have made a great gift for that person. Unless that person was Sarah Vaughan, in which case you would have looked like an idiot.

All-Time Greatest Hits
Barry White

Includes a track entitled, “It’s Ecstasy When You Lay Down Next to Me.” Enough said.

Machine Gun Etiquette
The Damned

Express your punk rock affections with this recording, which contains the Damned's romantic opus "Love Song." Sample Lyric: "I'll be the bail, if you'll be the guard/I'll be the ink on your season ticket card/I'll be the rubbish/if you'll be the bin/I'll be the paint on the sign/if you'll be the tin." My eyes are misting over already.

Ugly Pt.1 (Enhanced CD-Single)
Daphne & Celeste

Ah, the taunts of young cheerleaders. This song by two Brit teens found its way onto the "Bring It On" soundtrack. Perhaps, to you, Valentine's Day holds no mental connotations of cruel cheerleaders hurling cruel jokes. Perhaps to YOU.

One Foot In The Grave
Beck

Before he became the funkalicious groove-belting love turkey you know from Midnight Vultures, Beck created this lesser-known album of pure folkified pleasure.

Southern Journey, Vol. 5: Bad Man Ballads
Songs of Outlaws And Desperadoes, compiled by Alan Lomax

For all the gangsters of love out there, these songs about criminals (sometimes sung by criminals) will scare you straight.

The Best of Jonathan Richman and the Modern Lovers
Jonathan Richman

On this album, our hero (best known, woefully, as that guy with the guitar from "There's Something About Mary") sings catchy, funny love songs to girls, ice cream, Martians, the abominable snowman, the financial district, New England, a dead car and the modern world.

69 Love Songs (Box Set)
The Magnetic Fields

Yes, there are actually 69 original love songs in this collection. No, it doesn't get repetitive. Yes, buying this will get you laid.