"Since Phish is quitting for a while, what will become
of the band's gypsy fans, many of whom first
followed the Grateful Dead?" — Newsweek
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
| OBJECTIVE |
To
obtain a position following a band whose success depends
more on word-of-mouth, gatherings and counter-culture significance
than record sales.
|
| EDUCATION |
|
1977
- present
|
Hampshire
College, Amherst, MA
Pursuing
Degrees in Anthropology, Musicology, Music Appreciation,
English, Classical Guitar and Finance.
Expected
date of graduation: May 21, 2009
|
|
RELATED
EMPLOYMENT EXPERIENCE
|
|
14
Oct. - 8 Nov. 2000
|
Ralph
Nader Presidential Campaign, US
Supporter
Followed
populist candidate on presidential campaign tour.
Unflinchingly supported candidate in spite of near-infinite
number and variety of insurmountable obstacles. Made
frequent condemnations of "corporate power," "the
system."
|
| 1994
- 14 Oct., 2000 |
Phish,
US
Fan
Joined
millions of rebellious adolescents and directionless adults
as a member of large, loosely organized semi-nomadic collective.
Was responsible for
nightly intoxication
spinning in euphoric circles
splitting open and melting, when appropriate
maintaining interest and some consciousness while reading
nearly one-fifth of Trey's college thesis, The Man Who
Stepped Into Yesterday.
Dreadlocking, scoring miracle tickets
knowing true meaning of "wash Uffitzi, drive me
to Firenze"
|
| 8
May, 1997 |
Black
Crowes, Toad's Place, New Haven, CT
Roadie
Mistakenly
responsible for Chris Robinson's stash until backstage pass
and nearly half of stash were returned to rightful owner.
|
| 1977
- 1994 |
Grateful
Dead, US
Deadhead
Followed
innovative, gifted musicians out of sheer love for music
(and periodic ennui). Responsibilities included
nightly intoxication
stumbling
tie-dyeing
bringing false sense of order to meandering, interwoven
set lists
experiencing the most awesome synchronicity
|
| OTHER
EMPLOYMENT EXPERIENCE |
| 1998
- present |
Working
Assets
Customer
Donated
percentage of telephone bill to charity.
|
| 1977
- present |
Self-Employed
Bus Driver
Provided
transportation in VW micro-bus in exchange for up to $674/year
in barter (grilled cheese sandwiches, ambiguously erotic
massages).
|
| 1980
- present |
Burlington,
VT, Burlington, VT
Visitor
Frequently
visited Burlington, Vermont.
|
|
SKILLS
Outstanding
capacity for blind obedience. Extremely patient. Excellent
stick juggler. Above-average tolerance to most Class
D narcotics. Ability to go long periods of time without
showering. Extensive knowledge of Gamehendge mythology.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Copyright 2011 Modern Humorist, Inc.
All Rights Reserved.
Modern Humorist is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.
|
