JEFF BEZOS is going to have us over for burgers and s'mores!
And here's the best part: He doesn't know it yet!
summer, the king of online retailing is going to put on his Kiss
the Cook apron, fire up the grill and invite Modern Humorist to
hang out in his back yard. You see, Modern Humorist is one of
the initial partners in the Amazon Honor System. Under the System,
content Web sites like ours put a "pay box" like the one below
someplace conspicuous. Fans of said content sites, who previously
had no way of showing their support, are then invited to make
a donation of one dollar or more. Donations are processed through
the readers' Amazon accounts, with Amazon pocketing fifteen cents
plus fifteen percent of each donation as a transaction fee.
In case you think you read that wrong, we repeat: The whole system
depends on readers voluntarily giving money to free Web sites,
just because they ask for it. Think of it as a tip jar at your
local coffee shop. Or, more aptly, like a gutter punk pestering
you for three bucks to buy a fifth of SoCo.
When Amazon approached
Modern Humorist to be one of the charter members of the Honor
System and help "showcase the versatility of this technology,"
we were not wildly enthused. If our readers really want to give
us money, we figured, they can do it the way everyone else does:
in unmarked bills in exchange for the safe return of their child.
But then we gave this thing some thought. Bezos is a rich man,
a powerful man and a man who has seen Ginger.
That's when it hit us: We should give it ALL to Bezos.
So, when you make
a donation to Modern Humorist's Honor System pay box, not only
will Bezos get his usual cut, but we'll put our share towards
a nice gift for him from one of Amazon.com's stores. We are going
to butter that guy up but good. Once our pay box nets Jeff $349.99,
we're going to buy him the Weber
2241001 Black Genesis Silver A Gas Grill. Overwhelmed
with gratitude, he'll immediately lay plans for the biggest barbecue
blowout the Pacific Northwest has seen since Lewis and Clark roasted
harbor seal at the mouth to the Columbia.
We have already purchased a case, a CASE, of Pabst Blue Ribbon
in anticipation of Mr. Bezos's invitation.
We'll keep you
posted on our progress. Donate whatever you can: a dollar, two
dollars, several hundred thousand dollars. Every dollar gets us
that much closer to uttering the words, "Medium rare, Jeff. Medium
The Jeff Bezos Gift Tally
what youve put towards Jeffs gift so far.