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E-COMMERCE BILLIONAIRE JEFF BEZOS is going to have us over for burgers and s'mores! And here's the best part: He doesn't know it yet!

This summer, the king of online retailing is going to put on his Kiss the Cook apron, fire up the grill and invite Modern Humorist to hang out in his back yard. You see, Modern Humorist is one of the initial partners in the Amazon Honor System. Under the System, content Web sites like ours put a "pay box" like the one below someplace conspicuous. Fans of said content sites, who previously had no way of showing their support, are then invited to make a donation of one dollar or more. Donations are processed through the readers' Amazon accounts, with Amazon pocketing fifteen cents plus fifteen percent of each donation as a transaction fee.

In case you think you read that wrong, we repeat: The whole system depends on readers voluntarily giving money to free Web sites, just because they ask for it. Think of it as a tip jar at your local coffee shop. Or, more aptly, like a gutter punk pestering you for three bucks to buy a fifth of SoCo.

When Amazon approached Modern Humorist to be one of the charter members of the Honor System and help "showcase the versatility of this technology," we were not wildly enthused. If our readers really want to give us money, we figured, they can do it the way everyone else does: in unmarked bills in exchange for the safe return of their child.

But then we gave this thing some thought. Bezos is a rich man, a powerful man and a man who has seen Ginger. That's when it hit us: We should give it ALL to Bezos.

So, when you make a donation to Modern Humorist's Honor System pay box, not only will Bezos get his usual cut, but we'll put our share towards a nice gift for him from one of's stores. We are going to butter that guy up but good. Once our pay box nets Jeff $349.99, we're going to buy him the Weber 2241001 Black Genesis Silver A Gas Grill. Overwhelmed with gratitude, he'll immediately lay plans for the biggest barbecue blowout the Pacific Northwest has seen since Lewis and Clark roasted harbor seal at the mouth to the Columbia.

We have already purchased a case, a CASE, of Pabst Blue Ribbon in anticipation of Mr. Bezos's invitation.

We'll keep you posted on our progress. Donate whatever you can: a dollar, two dollars, several hundred thousand dollars. Every dollar gets us that much closer to uttering the words, "Medium rare, Jeff. Medium rare."

Amazon Honor System Click Here to PayLearn More

The Jeff Bezos Gift Tally
Here’s what you’ve put towards Jeff’s gift so far.
(Updated daily)


Weber 2241001 Black Genesis Silver A Gas Grill
Milwaukee 6236 Deep Cut Portable Band Saw
Diamond Rio 800 MP3 Player
Night Owl Cyclops Compact Night Vision Scope
8 (16 oz.) Omaha Steaks Beef T-Bones
Brother PT2200 Electronic Labeling System
Dancing Fire Barbie
"The Life and Crimes of Alice Cooper" box set
Oggi Stainless Steel 1-Liter "Dial-A-Drink" Recipe Cocktail Shaker
"Short Circuit" Special Edition DVD
Chessmaster 5000 software
"My First Presidentiary," by Modern Humorist
Maalox antacid (wintergreen)
"Think Like a Champion: Building Success One Victory at a Time," by Mike Shanahan

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All Rights Reserved.
Modern Humorist is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.