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Q: So my roommate’s been trying to get me to rush this frat and—
"Frat?" It’s a "FRATERNITY!" Would you call your mother a "moth?" Would you call your country a—

Q: Whoa, gotcha. Fraternity. Anyway, my roommate said I should come down and meet some of the guys and see what you’re all about. So, uh, what are you guys all about?
As rush chairman, let me welcome you. We have a long tradition of admitting only the most upstanding men at this university. Our brothers are leaders in the classroom, on campus, and in the bedroom. Our alumni roster reads like a virtual who’s who of people who have done a lot of stuff. Look at those photos on our alumni wall if you don’t believe me.

Q: Wow! Is that really—
Yup, one of our alumni, standing right near Chris O’Donnell.

Q: Awesome! What are some of the other benefits of being in a fraternity?
Well, our annual Doomsday Bash is the biggest party on campus. Dude, go Greek or go home!

Q: My parents are gonna kill me when they find out I’m pledging. Any tips on how to sell them?
Tell them that we have the best GPA of any house on campus, thanks to our in-house academic advisor. He’s a guy we call "Brainiac" and I swear that dude’s smarter than any supercomputer you’ll ever use.

Q: What about after graduation? Do most alumni go into politics, or what?
The guys joke that with my skills, I’ll rule the world… or at least Australia.

Q: I know this is kind of a dorky question, but do you guys haze?
We don’t believe in it and campus policy strictly forbids it. But to foster group cohesion, we encourage our pledges to participate in numerous "team-building" activities.

Q: Like what?
Well, we have one brother who likes to pose riddles to groups of pledges. Some of the guys—Sinestro, Captain Cold, Solomon Grundy—run an Ultimate Frisbee league. And then, of course, there’s anal chugging with Bizarro.

Q: Bizarro?
Never mind. When you meet him, you’ll understand. Or not.

Q: It sounds like you have some real characters in the house. Who’s that guy over there?
Next to the aquarium? That’s Black Manta. He’s playing foosball with the Joker, who always pulls the most annoying fucking pranks. The chick on the couch is Cheetah. Women aren’t suppsed to be here during rush events, but she’s a Tri-Delt, so it’s cool.

Q: Is that your house dog?
Shhhhhh. No, that’s Grodd. He’s a giant talking gorilla with a short fuse. That chick on his left is his girlfriend, Giganta. She used to date this guy Apache Chief in a rival house, then they had this huge fight in the parking lot near Romson Hall. Cars were flying, it was ugly. I think Grodd keeps her grounded. See, people on campus may think we’re just a bunch of nefarious supervillains trying to perfect our neutron diminishing ray so that we can enslave the people of Earth, but we have soft sides, too.

Q: So, uh, Grodd? Black Manta? Can I get a cool name when I pledge?
Listen, I gotta be honest with you: Judging from this conversation, I just don’t think this is the right house for you. You seem like a nice kid, but you’re not really cut from the diabolically evil cloth that we look for. Besides, you can’t fly or make things really cold or anything. You might want to try the Hall of Justice further down the row. Or Kappa Sig.

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