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Best Actor

Tom Hanks, Cast Away

Russell Crowe, Gladiator
Javier Bardem, Before Night Falls
Ed Harris, Pollock
Geoffrey Rush, Quills

Who Will Win:
Tom Hanks and Russell Crowe are neck and neck in this race. But no matter who walks away with the trophy on Oscar Night, Russell Crowe is sure to walk away with Hanks’ wife, Rita Wilson.

Best Director

Steven Soderbergh, Traffic

Steven Soderbergh, Erin Brockovich
Steven Soderbergh, The Limey
Steven Soderbergh, Out Of Sight

Steven Soderbergh, The Fish That Saved Pittsburgh

Who Will Win:
Soderbergh will likely cancel himself out, so give it to Lasse Hallström for the delicious cinematic bon bon, Chocolat.

Best Actress

Julia Roberts, Erin Brockovich

Ellen Burstyn, Requiem for a Dream
Joan Allen, The Contender
Juliette Binoche, Chocolat

Laura Linney, You Can Count On Me

Who Will Win:
Julia Roberts is riding high on her Golden Globe win, and many believe that March 25th will be her night. But what many do not know is that the night of March 25, 2001 also marks the end of Roberts twenty-year bargain with Jack Brimshoes, the devious troll she met along a sunlit path one spring day in 1981. Ol’ Jack took a liking to the awkward and precocious Julia and promised to grant her heart’s desire. He gave her beauty, grace, impeccable fortune, and the kind of marketability that only comes along every decade or so. Young Julia’s mouthful of braces became a smile brighter than a thousand moons; her stringy blond hair, locks of fiery red. She became every woman’s best friend, and every man’s desire. In exchange, Jack Brimshoes asked for her first born child and vowed to return in twenty years time to claim his prize. On the eve of March 25th, he will appear in the Shrine Auditorium, most likely during one of the technical awards. Since Roberts has failed to conceive with Lyle Lovett, Matthew Perry or Benjamin Bratt, Jack Brimshoes will fly into a fierce rage, spin around three times, and devour Julia’s eyes. During the confusion, Harvey Weinstein will sneak onstage and cross Julia’s name off the Oscar envelope, replacing it with Juliette Binoche, star of the sweet confection Chocolat.

Best Supporting Actress

Kate Hudson, Almost Famous

Julie Walters, Billy Elliot
Judi Dench, Chocolat
Marcia Gay Harden, Pollock

Frances McDormand, Almost Famous

Who Will Win:
It helps to be the child of Hollywood royalty, so look for the Oscar to go to Kate Hudson, daughter of Goldie Hawn and Rock Hudson.

Best Supporting Actor

Benicio Del Toro, Traffic

Jeff Bridges, The Contender
Willem Dafoe, Shadow of a Vampire
Joaquin Phoenix, Gladiator

Seann William Scott, Dude, Where’s My Car?

Who Will Win:
This is the toughest category to call. Benicio’s got the Golden Globe and Joaquin has been due for an Oscar nod since his star-making performance (as Leaf Phoenix) in Space Camp. But don’t discount Seann William Scott, who proved that his performance in American Pie was no fluke. The extra "N" stands for Oscar!

Best Documentary Feature

Into the Arms of Strangers: Stories of the Kindertransport

Long Night's Journey Into Day
Scottsboro: An American Tragedy

Sound and Fury

Who Will Win:
The Academy tends to honor documentaries that are both "American" and a "tragedy," so the smart money’s on Legacy.

Achievement In Makeup

The Cell

Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas

Shadow of the Vampire

Who Will Win:
J. Lo’s makeup in The Cell was great. Of special note: that scene with the serial killer where Lopez wore Revlon Color-Stay lipliner. The Vampire could use some of Lo’s Easy-tan self-tanner; try some Clinique moisturizer too, it makes J. Lo’s skin sparkle. Memo to the Grinch: Start with a good foundation to cover up as much of that green as possible. And a little Preparation H for those puffy circles under the eyes. Works wonders for J. Lo.

Best Picture


Erin Brokovich

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

Who Will Win:
Gladiator is the front-runner, but I’m going with Chocolat. This mouthwatering morsel of movie magic has audiences raving. It’s got scrumptious Juliette Binoche, fudgy Johnny Depp at his saucy best, the melt-in-your-mouth Alfred Molina, that little bumpy nonpareil Judi Dench, and the peanut butter-filled Lena Olin. Plus a wonderful score enhanced by vanillin, an artificial flavoring, and cinematography from the award-wining Soya Lecithin (an emulsifier).

More cinema silliness:
Modern Humorist At the Movies

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