Modern Humorist - Colin Powell's Schedule at a Glance
Shop the MH Superstore!

In March, U2 lead singer Bono met with Secretary of State Colin Powell to discuss relieving Third World debt. Then in April, Paul McCartney had an audience with Powell on the subject of banning land mines.

Following the talk with McCartney, Powell flew to Orlando to meet with a coalition from the Backstreet Boys. Though the exact nature of the meeting hasn't been disclosed, sources at Tiger Beat say the topic surely involved the situation in Nagorno-Karabakh, the troubled Armenian enclave within Azerbaijan whose unrest has long been a source of concern to the boy band.

Next week Secretary Powell plans to lead a peace envoy to Los Angeles in an attempt to end the fighting between various factions within Guns n' Roses. Though President Clinton tried unsuccessfully for years to forge a Guns n' Roses treaty, foreign-policy experts give Powell a much better chance. Powell has close ties to the metal band dating back to the mid-'80s when he frequently jammed with Axl Rose at L.A.'s famed Whisky a Go Go.

In early June, Powell will embark on an exhausting six-day, 15-city trip in which he'll meet with former lead singers of Van Halen.

From there it's off to Cleveland to address the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. The secretary of state is expected to recommend that the Hall grant Most Favored Nation status to the '80s supergroup Asia.

June 20th brings a meeting with R.E.M. lead singer Michael Stipe, who's protesting the U.S. selling arms to Taiwan. The next day Powell will meet with R.E.M. guitarist Peter Buck, who's protesting the U.S. selling arms to Puff Daddy.

On July 4th Powell and Condoleezza Rice will host Condoleezzapalooza - an all-day concert featuring performances by Limp Bizkit, Korn, and Dick Rumsfeld which will raise money for the anti-missile defense shield.

On July 17th the secretary of state will be appearing outside MTV's Total Request Live studio holding a cardboard "accord" stating "I Luv *NSYNC!!"

On September 26th Secretary Powell will have another talk with Bono on the subject of forgiving Third World debt. Later that day Powell will talk with MC Hammer on the subject of forgiving MC Hammer debt.

On October 10th Powell will spend the day in his office cranking Pearl Jam's "Rearviewmirror" while playing air guitar.

As featured on

More rockin’ humor:
I Wanna Veto Bills All Nite (And Party Every Day)
Have Miracle Ticket, Will Travel
The Britney Papers

Copyright 2011 Modern Humorist, Inc.
All Rights Reserved.
Modern Humorist is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.