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SECRETARY
How was your weekend, Mr. Prime Minister?
WINSTON CHURCHILL
Too short.
THE DECENTLY PARAPHRASED witticism above is just one example of the countless "zingers" that helped lift spirits during the German bombings and two other major events that would round out a nice list of three.
Office humor clichés have survived because they bolster the office environment’s crushing repetition, blatant insincerity and perverse tedium. However, some clichés are no longer appropriate for the situations in which they are commonly vomited up. Next time you are in a place of work, try these new clichés for the modern office.
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Upon running into someone for a second time that day:
| OLD: |
"Hey! We gotta stop meeting like this!"
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| NEW: |
"Hey! I’m extremely tired of looking at you!"
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Seeing someone preparing their lunch:
| OLD: |
"Hey! What are you making me?"
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| NEW: |
"Hey! That food smells like what my mother used to make! She was murdered."
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Walking past a temp filling in for the day:
| OLD: |
"Kathy, you look different today!"
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| NEW: |
"Oh, good! Another temp we have to spend most of the day training and who, for what’s left of the day, will do everything a little wrong and leave us worse off than if we had just done nothing until Kathy got back!"
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Greeting the counterperson in the corporate cafeteria:
| OLD: |
"Hey! You must have been up all night making this food, huh?"
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| NEW: |
"Hey! You must…!" [Some silence] "I’m tired…so tired."
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Leaving the office:
| OLD: |
"Mañana!"
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| NEW: |
Says nothing, just tiredly walks to the elevator, ignoring the receptionist as she wishes him, "Good night, Mr. Snim." |
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