|
Q:
|
|
How do you feel about the vote? |
|
Genetically
Engineered
Salmon:
|
|
Well obviously, I’m pleased. A moratorium on genetically engineered fish would be a great step backwards for my kind, especially now that I am looking to get married, settle down, and raise several thousand young. |
|
|
|
Q:
|
|
That’s probably hard to do with a salmon mate that is not genetically engineered like yourself. |
|
GES:
|
|
Precisely! It’s difficult to carry on a conversation about coastal erosion or the plankton column when all she wants to do is dart to the surface of the lake and gulp bugs. |
|
|
|
Q:
|
|
Apart from speech, what other benefits have you received from this DNA tampering? |
|
GES:
|
|
Well, there’s tool manipulation, complex problem solving, the ability to walk erect on stubby proto-feet, and an appreciation for the film work of your Robert De Niro. (scrunches up face, lowers voice) “I coulda been a contender.” |
|
|
|
Q:
|
|
That’s Marlon Brando. |
|
GES:
|
|
What? |
|
|
|
Q:
|
|
Marlon Brando. Your impression. From “On the Waterfront.” |
|
GES:
|
|
Is it? |
 |
|
Q:
|
|
Yes. |
|
GES:
|
|
(dubious) I think you’ll find it’s Robert De Niro. |
|
|
|
Q:
|
|
Look, I’ve seen the movie, I know, that’s Marlon Brando. |
|
GES:
|
|
(snickers) Okay. |
|
|
|
Q:
|
|
Why are you laughing? |
|
GES:
|
|
(snickers) I’m not laughing. |
|
|
|
Q:
|
|
Do you want to go watch the movie right now? |
|
GES:
|
|
No, no, I believe you. (snickers) |
|
|
|
Q:
|
|
Hey man, I don’t need... |
|
GES:
|
|
(with sudden urgency) Must spawn. (leaves) |
Two months later:
|
|
GES:
|
|
Whew, that’s a load off. Sorry to make you wait. |
|
Q:
|
|
It’s all right. I was just going to end the interview because I was getting kind of mad, but now I’ve cooled down. |
|
|
|
GES:
|
|
You were mad, eh? Were you like, “Are you lookin’ at me? Are you lookin’ at ME?” |
|
Q:
|
|
THAT’S De Niro. |
|
|
|
GES:
|
|
What? |
|
Q:
|
|
That’s Robert De Niro, from “Taxi Driver.” |
|
|
|
GES:
|
|
(snickers) Okay. |
