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E-mail client automatically replies to all messages from Justice Department's anti-trust division with Out of the Office AutoReply. |
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Touch-sensitive screen not at all self-conscious. |
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Spreadsheet preloaded with all the answers boss wants to hear. |
 For easier telecommuting, cables connect all work-related insecurities to family-related anxieties. |
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In honor of Carly Fiorina, first woman to lead a Fortune 100 company, casing is pre-loaded with potential to produce smaller computer that will grow to usurp, overtake and resent the computer from which it came. |
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50 GB Ultra DMA hard drive defies the first law of thermodynamics, allowing matter to be both created and destroyed. |
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ESCAPE key now takes user away from all this partisan bickering. |
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Patented VoiceReply technology provides nervous, evasive response to every request for assistance. |
 Strap-on stylus. |
 HP/Compaq graphics card can render comedian David Brenner in horrifying detail. |
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