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"I was on my way to school when I heard: Tom Wilkinson got nominated! I called my friend Tatiana on my cell right away. She freaked out when I told her. We both love Tom, he is so d-lish!! Did you see him in 'Oscar and Lucinda'?" [Waves hand in front of face in attempt to lower body temperature.]

"I am so glad that 'Gosford Park' was nominated. Peter Bogdanavich is such an underrated fillmmaker."

"Well, I think it was a wake-up call. We never thought the chickens would come home to roost. So listen, I'm not racist or anything, but they got their Black History Month, Kwanzaa cards in the CVS, all of UPN. And now they've taken over the Oscars? What's next?"

"I was sipping my morning coffee and watching Real Genius on HBO when my sister called. 'Oh my God, did you hear?' 'What?' 'Jesus Christ, turn on CNN!' After taking a moment to process what Paula Zahn was talking about, I understood. 'How does a film get nominated for best picture but the director get snubbed? Are they just making it up to Ron Howard for overlooking "Apollo 13"? Baz will get his due in, what, another six fucking years?'"

"First I heard Ethan Hawke was up for an acting award, and I thought it was just a freak accident. But then Sean Penn was nominated for 'I Am Sam,' and I was like, 'Oh my God, somebody's really trying to hurt us.'"

"Everybody in the break room was glued to the TV when they announced that Marisa Tomei had been nominated for 'In the Bedroom.' One guy snorted and said, 'Maybe now she can win an Oscar for real.' No one laughed. That shit just isn't funny."

"I was on my way to work when I ran across my friend in the street. He was listening to a very fancy radio I'd never seen before. He started to cry, and I said, 'What happened?' He said, '"Black Hawk Down" got four nominations. That movie is full of stereotypes!' After he calmed down, I asked him where he got the radio, and he said, 'My brother Njuguno took it from a helicopter that crashed near the Olympic Hotel.'"

"It was an eerie coincidence. The nominations were announced on the same morning my whole division got laid off with no pension benefits. Everyone was leaving the building, panicking and crying and barely able to hold themselves together. But there were these brave men who were going right back in. I think they were from the SEC or something."

"Obviously, I was devastated like everyone. I don't think I've smiled since. But, and I know this is a little cornball, when I watch the news I feel reassured by the dignity and authority of Steve Kmetko and Jules Asner."

"Clearly what we are looking at is a 'wag the dog' scenario. There is just too much to gain. You need to ask yourself: What is the Academy hiding by keeping 'Crocodile Dundee in L.A.' out of the running?"

"I could have just printed out the nominees list from, but I wrote them all down on a piece of paper by hand so I'll never forget, so we'll never forget."

"'Gosford Park' is the best film to be nominated this year. The lesbian love scene was amazing. And the mysterious cowboy character? That's classic Lynch."

—Paul Bacon, Diane Bullock and Nick Nadel

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