Modern Humorist - Dear Penthouse
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Dear Penthouse:

I never thought this could happen to me. I always assumed this was just the stuff of pornographic movie scripts or the most perverse of Anaïs Nin fantasies.

First of all, I'm a plumber who happens to read Anaïs Nin. With an occupation such as this or any kind of house-calling type of job such as exterminator, refrigerator repairman or a person who fixes small desks at people's homes, you always meet the most interesting people...and the most sexy!

At one morning appointment, I was greeted at the door by a totally hot woman. She had a nice, round full butt and enormous heaving boobs. Her wild raven hair was compellingly tussled and led the eye to her partially unbuttoned top, which gave a teasing glimpse of the aforementioned enormous heaving boobs. Well, I thought, I need to stop eyeing her and get to work before she notices and gets me fired. So, I went about my work.

But she turned me on so much that, when I got home, my wife could see the lust in my eyes.

Immediately, right there in the kitchen, we ate dinner with the kids, watched some TV and went to the bedroom. I asked my wife if we could make love. "Fine," she replied seductively.

We put away our clothes and before you know it, I was literally kissing my wife. Things were getting warmed up.

"I was wondering if you would try doing fellatio," I commanded.

"No," she purred.

Soon, we were fucking in the missionary position. I couldn't believe it! It was something we never dared propose to each other. Before this, we'd always relied on a position which was much more tame and involved us being in separate rooms.

Just FYI, I came so quick into her mound.

She said she didn't enjoy it...much!

But it wasn't over: we hugged and stroked each other's hair and eventually fell asleep like animals!

Name withheld,
Portland, OR

More by Dirk Voetberg:
The Dialogues of Pheron
New and Improved Office Talk
Made You Think

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