TO
BRING IN SOME EXTRA CASH, the president runs a sideline
business as an abortion doctor. One afternoon as he is about
to begin the procedure, a small man pops out of the patient’s
uterus. The man has a Hitler moustache and is wearing leather
bondage gear with a button reading, "Out of my way: I’m
Christmas shopping!" He does a little jig, salutes the
president and asks, "Have you read ‘Perfect Day
for Bananafish’? It's much better than ‘Catcher
in the Rye.’"
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THE PRESIDENT
WOULD suddenly feel faint. "Wha—What’s
happening?" he’d shout. "Another successful
operation, Dr. Rybeck," a nurse would respond. Dripping
in a cold sweat, the president would run from the operating
room and out of the hospital into the dark underbelly of
Miami. Living on the streets with hazy memories of a past
life, Bush would come to learn that he had been brainwashed
and given a new identity by those who seek to maintain control
of the biotech industry. Hellbent on revenge, the president
would confront and kill his "wife," actually an
agent of the conspiracy. With the help of Dick Cheney—actually
the mind of Dick Cheney downloaded onto a hard drive—Bush
would regain his memory and stop the men who did this to
him.
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THANKFULLY, AL GORE has mastered the technique of "lucid
dreaming" whereby the dreamer takes control of the
oeneric narrative and crafts it to a positive conclusion.
No waking up with a gasp or sighing, "Oh, it was only
a dream," for Al Gore! While logging the dream in his
dream journal the next morning, the president would wonder
if the symbolism had any portent for the upcoming budget
battle. He’d reflect on the scene in Shakespeare’s
"Julius Caesar" where Caesar’s wife dreams
of a lion walking through Rome. Or was it a tiger? He’d
run to his Riverside Shakespeare. Lion! There’s a tiger
in "Titus Andronicus." The president’s budget
would sail through Congress one month later.
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