Modern Humorist - You Are the Weakest Catchphrase... Goodbye!
Shop the MH Superstore!

NBC’s contribution to the American vernacular is undeniable. Who can forget Sergeant Conrad’s tender concern as he cautioned his "Hill Street" men and women in blue, "Hey, let’s be careful out there not to get our one and only liver blown to bits!" Or little Arnold’s desperate queries of his Anglo adoptive father in "Diff’rent Strokes," "Whatchoo talking about, Mr. Drummond? I don’t understand. Perhaps it’s your cultural context with which I still am unfamiliar."

But the Peacock network’s latest entry in America’s lexicon may be its most infectious ever. On its march toward ubiquity, "You are the Weakest Link. Goodbye!" is popping up in all the usual places, as well as some stranger ones.

Atlanta, GA. Frustrated working mother (desperate in her quest to "have it all") shrieks tagline at preschool son whose room, while not as messy as this morning, cannot hold a candle to immaculate quarters of older sister with undiagnosed OCD.

New Orleans, LA. In a dark corner of a French Quarter dive bar, a drunken whore, female from the waist up, addresses her external genitalia with the popular chant, then rummages through her purse for something sharp.

Milwaukee, WI. Mumbled sinisterly beneath throbbing beat of Creed concert by überfan Steve McKay, as he tramples the helpless thirteen-year-old girl in front of him. One foot closer to the stage (and several inches higher), Steve reports sound quality virtually unchanged.

Los Angeles, CA. Chanted daily by father, Joe, via phone, answering machine, Blackberry, fax, voice mail, e-mail, and outside condo entrance of son, Toriano "Tito" Jackson.

Cincinnati, OH. Tag line rejuvenates private life of Cincinnati resident, Mike Wartel, longtime "Kids in the Hall" fan. Mike, sick of "I’m crushing your head, I’m crushing your head," incorporates "Weakest Link" line into skull-shattering, thumb-and-index finger gesture.

Pittsburgh, PA. German immigrant salon owner takes evil pleasure in barking the game show mantra at an unending succession of sobbing shampoo girls, who later file for harassment. According to spooked clients, the Teutonic bastardization of the line is particularly unnerving.

National Zoo, Washington, D.C. Spontaneously evolved chimpanzee chants line at oblivious partner whose flatulence problem is a never ending source of aggravation for the simian savant.

More televisual humor:
Fall TV Preview

Copyright 2011 Modern Humorist, Inc.
All Rights Reserved.
Modern Humorist is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.