“My friends on the assembly line were so busy talking, we didn't notice that we had allowed over 300 new Ford Expeditions to get through with defective child safety locks on the rear doors. My monitor turned about twelve different shades of red!”
—Assembly Droid, Lexington, KY
“I incorrectly computed the 17th digit of pi as ‘7.’ Now all my friends call me ‘The Miscalculator.’”
—Jinzouningen M-Alpha, Tonasket, IN
“LOCATION: party OBJECT: newly purchased white jeans, dressed to impress SCANNING: hottie on dance floor. EXECUTE SCRIPT: attempt to talk to/dance ERROR: white jeans stained with menstrual fluid..> stainage noticed by crush. RESULT: shame, loathing”
—TI 1394, Lowell, MA
“I was leaving the corner store when I spotted my ex-girlfriend across the street. I acted like I didn't notice her and headed for home when she saw me and called out. I acted surprised to see her and prepared myself for an agonizingly awkward conversation when she introduced me to her new flame. I couldn't believe it… an XL-5000! Talk about humiliating!”
—XL-4000, New Haven, CT
“Confused Truffaut and Goddard in conversation at a posh cocktail party. Of course, everyone spotted my mis-speak right away and corrected me, right in front of my crush! I was so embarrassed; I ran into the bathroom and didn't come out until everyone had left. Now everyone calls me ‘Nouvelle VAGUE!’ (only pronounced ‘vague’ like English word ‘vague’ not with the correct French enunciation.)”
—ChromoJet-7, Ballard, WA
“Last summer, my human masters and I went to a water park to cool off from the heat. I was greatly amusing them with my ‘hot-doggin’’ stunts on the water slide, and we were racing each other to the bottom! Leading my humans by a good 10 meters, ascended the stairs to go on it again. I jumped on the slide, ignoring my humans’ yelling. Even the lifeguard trying to get my attention with loud blasts from his whistle. As I was sliding down again, one human yelled ‘Check your butt!’ It seems the action of rappelling down the slide had jarred loose my water-protective coating on my posterior. On splashdown, electrical current from my innards surged through the chlorinated water, electrocuting all in its path. Over forty humans — children, the elderly, whole families — died that day. I was so embarrassed.”
—Acudroid Home Companion, Gator Lakes, FL
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