"The White House press secretary scolded the host of 'Politically Incorrect' for calling some past U.S. military actions cowardly... White House spokesman Ari Fleischer said, 'There are reminders to all Americans that they need to watch what they say, watch what they do, and this is not a time for remarks like that.'"
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Q:
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Ari, I was wondering if you had spoken to the President regarding Car & Driver's mixed review of the new Truck/SUV hybrid, the Chevrolet Avalanche, in which they offered some praise for its sturdy performance, but ultimately labeled it a "gimmick." |
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Mr. Fleischer:
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The President is aware of the review, and needless to say, he is very concerned about this on several levels. It disturbs the President that the Avalanche's ability to convert from a six-passenger, fully enclosed Sport Ute into a full-size truck for extra hauling capacity in a matter of minutes, a brilliant testament to American ingenuity and engineering, is dismissed as a gimmick. In fact, I've been told that Vice President Cheney happens to think that the Avalanche is "wicked cool" and that the President agrees with him. |
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Q:
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Ari, what about reports that at his recent birthday party, Timmy Brown of Youngstown, Ohio spit his mother's apple pie into a napkin and allegedly said, "This sucks. I hate apple pie. I want German chocolate cake." |
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Mr. Fleischer:
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Lets back up for a second so we can remind everyone that Germany, along with many other countries around the world, have pledged their support in our war against terrorism. Also, let it be known that no one appreciates a chocolate cake covered in sweet coconut frosting, topped with a cherry more than President Bush. That said, in times like these, we feel it's important that people pull together, and that means watching what they say about our national pastry, and furthermore… |
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Q:
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I understand that Timmy also something said about… |
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Mr. Fleischer:
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I'm getting there… |
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Q:
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…about hot dogs. |
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Mr. Fleischer:
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Right, I was getting there. Like most of you, I've heard conflicting reports, but the latest appears to confirm that Timmy called the hot dogs "yummy," not "yucky" as originally thought, which we're clearly encouraged by. |
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Q:
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Does the President have a comment on Timmy's punishment as well? |
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Mr. Fleischer:
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This is a time when some Americans may have to recognize that certain liberties may be curtailed, and being allowed to say that apple pie "sucks" is one of them. Therefore, we support Mr. and Mrs. Brown's decision to wash Timmy's mouth out with Ivory soap and send him to his room. That said, we would encourage them to allow Timmy to go to baseball practice, as our national pastime has recently taken on additional significance for obvious reasons.
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In addition, we'd also like to tell Bill Maher to apologize again, this time clapping his hands like a crazed monkey. |
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Q:
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Why? |
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Mr. Fleischer:
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I think the statement speaks for itself. |
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