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James Woods:
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Hi, thank you for calling. How much would you like to pledge? |
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Caller:
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Um...who am I speaking to? |
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James:
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This is James Woods. |
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Caller:
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Who? |
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James:
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James Woods. |
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Caller:
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[pause] Are there any celebrities there I can talk to? |
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James:
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Er...I was in "The General's Daughter." |
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Caller:
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That's super. Is Halle Berry free? Or one of the Baldwins? |
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Cuba:
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Hi, this is Cuba Gooding, Jr. How much would you like to pledge? |
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Caller:
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Holy shit! Is this really Cuba Gooding, Jr.? |
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Cuba:
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Yes it is. We appreciate your— |
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Caller:
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No fucking way! [muffled] Alison, come here! I got Cuba Gooding, Jr. on the line. Yeah, the fucking "Jerry Maguire" guy! |
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Cuba:
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Sir, I'm happy to take your pledge— |
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Alison:
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Is this really Cuba Gooding, Jr.? |
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Cuba:
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Yes ma'am, and I'm happy to take your pledge— |
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Alison:
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Omigod! This is so amazing. I'm such a huge fan. |
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Cuba:
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Thank you, now if we could— |
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Alison:
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Say "Show me the money." |
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Cuba:
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Excuse me? |
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Alison:
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Say "Show me the money." You want my money, right? |
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Cuba:
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[sigh] Please show me the money to help the victims of the tragic terrorist attacks. |
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Alison:
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Awesome! Hold on, I'm going to conference in my sister. |
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Penelope Cruz:
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...No, it is not a joke! We are in love. Why you not believe me?... |
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Caller:
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Caller: Hi, I'd like to pledge $100. |
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Adam Sandler:
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A woobie doobie boobie. |
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Caller:
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I'm sorry? |
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Adam:
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Wooja booja [gibberish] |
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Caller:
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I can't understand you. Can you transfer me to someone else? |
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[click]
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Caller:
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Hello?
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Benicio del Toro:
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Hay fessa rizz mojana "Tribute to Heroes." Dassa? |
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Salma Hayek:
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Hi, you've reached Salma Hayek at "Tribute to Heroes." How much would you like to pledge? |
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Caller:
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Thank God. I keep getting patched through to James Woods. |
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Jack Nicholson:
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Hey, thanks for calling, this is Jack Nicholson. What's your name?
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Caller:
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Um, Stephanie. I'd like to pledge fifty dollars please. |
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Jack:
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Stephanie, eh? That's a sexy name. Do you live in L.A.? |
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Caller:
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What? |
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Jack:
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What are you doing later? Bogdanovich is throwing a party. |
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Penelope Cruz:
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...Yes, we date all the time. We have lunch together on Saturday. He is very kind...Yes, and sexy, of course!... |
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Whoopi Goldberg:
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Thanks for calling, how much would you like to pledge? |
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Caller:
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Twenty dollars. |
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Whoopi:
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Twenty dollars? This wasn't a Starbucks, honey, we're talking about the Twin Towers. |
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Caller:
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Excuse me? |
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Whoopi:
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I'm sorry, Bruce Vilanch told me to say that. |
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Sylvester Stallone:
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Hi, this is Sylvester Stallone. Would you like to
contribute? |
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Caller:
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Sure. Put me down for fifty dollars minus the eight dollars I spent on "Get Carter." So, that's forty-two dollars. |
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Penelope Cruz:
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...Yes, he like women. |
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Michael Keaton:
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Hi, this is Michael Keaton. How much would you like to pledge? |
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Caller:
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[pause] Are there any celebrities there I can talk to?
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