 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
What's the point? All I do is flap my wings and it has absolutely no effect, here or anywhere in the world. I might as well be dead.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
It's always the same story. You meet a gentleman, you think that you might have a future with him, but then after a feral bout of autonomic copulation, somebody ends up devouring somebody else, leaving his still-thrusting thorax to satisfy you until you're ready to finish him off for dessert. I guess there's just no room in this world for a true romantic.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I'm sorry, mom and dad, but I'm just, like, totally bored.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I did this because I'm so fat and disgusting. I’ve tried everything - The Atkins All-Blood Diet, The Blood Zone, Dr. Blood's New Blood Revolution. I even underwent surgery to have my nose bent. And did it make a bit of difference? Ha! Now I've contracted malaria. I’ll never be normal.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
We know that you will not understand what we have done, but grieve not for us, for our spirits are light as we prepare to shed our earthly containers. Behold, the prophecies are about to come true and we are ready to be zapped into Heaven. Follow us into the light - the sweet blue light.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Yeah, it's me again. I know this must be coming as a shock, yada, yada, yada. I know we’ve done this before. The spray, the traps, sealing myself into a wall with caulk, drowning in boric acid, swallowing steel wool, the carbamate bombs, and that thing with the lemons. But this time I’m…oh, who am I kidding?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
More fun with suicide:
FAQ: Suicide
More by Michael Martone:
Atlas Shr
Bestsellers of Tomorrow
Copyright 2011 Modern Humorist, Inc.
All Rights Reserved.
Modern Humorist is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.
|
