Shop the MH Superstore!

Tom Cruise and beard

May 24

Tom Cruise proves that "Risky Business" wasn't a fluke—he really does have a gift for wearing sunglasses with unexpected frames. Director John Woo has given him a showcase for his eyewear virtuosity: how to keep your sunglasses on when you're dangling from a helicopter, how to use them to receive messages from your boss, how to remove them suavely after cunnilingus.

Buzz: Audiences may balk at the idea of a new film that’s really just a follow-up to an old one.

Web Bonus: Inspired update of the famous Mission: Impossible theme song, by Randy "Toy Story" Newman! Download the MP3 or Buy the CD!

Sex machine

June 16

Who's the African-American public defender who's in a happy marriage with a white woman? Shaft! Who's the cat who won't resort to violence when the pathologies of others cause a situation to escalate? John Shaft—in this socially responsible remake. He's a complicated man, but no one understands him like his therapist.

Web Bonus: Whatever you do, don't go to


June 23

Nick Park ("Wallace & Gromit") reimagines "Sophie’s Choice" with chickens.

Buzz: Eggscellent…Sorry, I typed that wrong—it should be "fair-to-middling."

Web Bonus:
Play tic tac toe against chickens. Then IM them.

“But look, the morn, in russet mantle clad, Walks o’er the dew of yon high eastward hill”

May 12

Contemporary Shakespeare can suck—you saw "My Own Private Idaho," right? But, yo, check it: my roommate at Tisch worked on this "Hamlet," and he says it’s good…like "Kids" good! He was saying it’s all minimal and shit. Shit be deep, yo! And I was gettin’ all excited and axing like, "Well, when this shit open!?!" And he said, "Friday." And I was like, "Friday, shit dog, I gots to go to synagogue with the moms and shit. I can’t be seein’ no 'Hamlet.'" But that’s film school for you. Word.

Buzz: Something smells boffo in the state of Denmark.

Cast: Ethan Hawke (Hamlet), Janeane Garofalo (Claudius), Winona Ryder (Ophelia), Lisa Loeb (Polonius), Campbell Scott (Mario), Parker Posey (Mirannas), Vincent Gallo (Crumplerump), Chloë Sevigny (Kissagirl).

Web Bonus: Watch an in-depth interview with veteran screenwriter William Shakespeare!

I hope my wife stays dead

July 21

Harrison Ford is a college professor whose new wife (Michelle Pfeiffer) has visions of a dead woman—who turns out to be Ford’s first wife. Meanwhile, Ford has visions of an over-extended hack—who turns out to be television writer-producer David E. Kelley.

Buzz: Increasing in intensity until it’s absolutely deafening. Louder, louder, louder still, overwhelming everything, making it impossible to hear, impossible to think, impossible to do anything but concentrate on its terrible roar! Stop it, stop it before I go mad!

Web Bonus: Track the careers of Harrison Ford’s leading ladies.

[ Summer Movie eView credits ]

Copyright 2011 Modern Humorist, Inc.
All Rights Reserved.
Modern Humorist is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.