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George Clooney (#63) and Mark Wahlberg (#66)

June 30
Warner Bros.

George Clooney is a monster tornado that has ravaged three states and Mark Wahlberg is a category-5 hurricane named Inez. Their friendship becomes strained when Wahlberg receives higher placement than Clooney in the annual ranking of storms published by U.S. News and World Report, which no one admits to taking seriously but everyone secretly believes.

Buzz: "Partly funny with a 60% chance of Oscar!"—Paul Wunder, WBAI Radio

Web Bonus: Soundtrack ballad by Disney's Elton John and Tim Rice. Download the MP3 or Buy the CD!

Eddie Murphy as Grandma Noguchi

July 28

The sophomore installment of the Nutty Professor series introduces us to a stable of new characters, all of whom are played, according to Universal, "by Eddie Murphy or an Eddie Murphy-like substance." Who’s that black woman? That’s Eddie Murphy. What about the Asian shoe salesman? Also, Eddie Murphy. And that wild-eyed Native American? That’s Lou Diamond Phillips—as played by Eddie Murphy.

Cast: Dr. Klump (Eddie Murphy), Mrs. Klump (Eddie Murphy), Forrest Klump (Eddie Murphy), Petrushka (Eddie Murphy), Sir Ringo Starr (Eddie Murphy), Seven of Nine (Eddie Murphy), Margaret Thatcher (Arsenio Hall), The Dallas Cowboys (Eddie Murphy), ancient Rome (Eddie Murphy), Eddie Murphy (Kristin Scott Thomas).

Web Bonus: See how special-effects technicians created each character’s distinctive fart pattern.

Cyclops (Marlee Matlin) and Wolverine (Chad Lowe)

July 14
20th Century Fox

Bryan Singer's adaptation of the best-selling comic book in history has built incredible expectations despite not being based on a SHRED of comic book continuity. I mean, has Singer read even the ESSENTIAL collections? Seriously, his ENTIRE Wolverine plotline doesn't make a BIT of sense based on subsequent events METICULOUSLY chronicled in "Weapon X" (fyi: I'm looking for a mint copy of #4 if you've got one). Now MAYBE the script I read online was bogus, but if he IN ANY WAY implies Jean Grey does not have the potential to become the Dark Phoenix ("Uncanny X-Men" #'s 100-137), I know a LOT of people who will be VERY pissed and will not take it as calmly as I. How can he HOPE to film the more complicated storylines (I'm thinking "Inferno" [side note: Maddy Pryor's character was WOEFULLY underplayed in that] or, cross your fingers, the "X-tinction Agenda") if he's going to release this watered-down CRAP on a public that doesn't KNOW any better.

Buzz: Let's be honest: It's just something to kill time until "Lord of the Rings."

Web Bonus: Jewel demonstrates her mutant power–awesome singing–with "A Little Prayer (Wolverine’s Theme)."
Download the MP3 or Buy the CD!

A space thingy

August 4
Warner Bros.

A big satellite in outer space malfunctions, threatening to drop out of the sky and kill many innocent people. Clint Eastwood and Tommy Lee Jones repair it quickly, and the movie is over after 40 minutes. With Helena Bonham Carter as "Woman Asking a Question."

Web Bonus: Lines that were cut from the film, including:

"Your government has a job for you, Bing. That is, if Jack Daniels can spare you."

"I’m terribly sorry, but I’m too old and weak to be shot into space. Perhaps there might be someone younger you could send, yes?"

"You know what I could go for right now? A large Coke. And maybe some Raisinets. That would be really tasty. I think I’m just going to hang for about five minutes, suspended in space, thinking about how tasty those would be. Nothing else is going to happen until I'm done thinking about those snacks."


June 30

Our favorite moose and squirrel crime-fighting team is back! Because the movie is live-action, not animated, the moose just kind of wanders around, and the squirrel keeps running off-set and has to be brought back by a P.A.

Buzz: Robert DeNiro, as Fearless Leader, has never been better. Except in "Raging Bull," "Taxi Driver," "The Godfather Part II," "The Deer Hunter" and "Angel Heart."

Web Bonus: Online relationship quiz: Does he see you as a moose or a squirrel?

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