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31 “Good lord, we’ve been selling
this stuff? But, but... it sucks!”


44 Easy Dot-Com, Easy Dot-Go With their ad campaigns long gone, what are the mascots up to? With reports on Stewart’s adult film career and the dog on working as a dishrag.

48 Auction Action As the possessions sell-off continues, eBay is the place to turn for framed diplomas, bound volumes of Dilbert and trophy wives.

51 Finally, A Useful Web Site How to cash welfare checks online.

54 The Dreyfuss Report Can’t afford a Palm? Write things on your palm! by JOEL DREYFUSS


57 You're So Vein When Chrysler’s Todd Poole was downsized, he discovered a hidden talent for making money by selling his blood. Now he shows you how.

61 Rightsizing Your Family Does your household have more mouths than food? Take our exclusive quiz to figure out which family members aren’t pulling their weight! (Hint: It’s usually the baby.)

65 Hot Companies Now Hiring A steady job may be worth the move to Mexico or the Philippines.

67 Ask Annie Why does it
hurt so much?


69 Stock Certificate Craft Corner This month: The peacock.

72 Eight Biotech IPOs to Watch For Seriously, get the hell out of the way if you see one of these coming. I swear to God.

73 The Mortgage Solution Why stop at four?


74 Extreme Sport Turnstile jumping isn’t just thrifty, it’s exhilarating. Also: Hamburger Helper: Does it really?… Vrooom! We test-drive a sexy 1978 Chevette… Existentialism: the philosophy that can’t lose…and more.

In last issue’s “10 Tips for Riding Out the Market Correction” we suggested
that “You might be able to live comfortably inside a discarded refrigerator.” We meant, of course, “a discarded refrigerator box.” We regret the error and its recent unfortunate consequences.

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All Rights Reserved.
Modern Humorist is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.