ATTENTION COMPLIANT BEASTS!
It is we, Dr. Profanity and Vic Vulgar!
And we command you to buy Vice-President of the United States Richard Cheney a Segway scooter!
We hereby announce our intention to use the Wicked Projects Fund to obtain and customize a Segway scooter for the most fearsome villain of our time, Dick Cheney. Despite all the obvious signsmysterious disappearances, menacing proclamations, wolf-like leer, heat visionyou may not know that Dick Cheney is a supervillain. As if someone who has so ardently waged war against the environment could be anything else!
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Dick Cheney now
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Dick Cheney soon
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Our brother Dick Cheney is deeply, deeply closeted. Yet supervillains have been Vice-Presidents ever since Aaron Burr! Even Al Gore was a card-carrying member of the Legion of Bastards. However, we believe that if we obtain for Dick Cheney a proper villain vehicleone that will help him conserve his precious villainous energy and help transport him speedily down those long West Wing hallshe will let his fear flag fly.
Please help us help Brother Cheney. The Wicked Projects Fund needs your donations to purchase a Segway, paint it scary colors, offer it to The Violator (as hes known in the industry) and convince him to wear his costume in public. We want our place at the table.
Dr. Profanity and Vic Vulgar
Members in good standing, Legion of Bastards
P.S. We promise we will not use your money for this:
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Watch this Villainous Video!
More fiendish super-villainy:
Unlock Your Inner Super Villain!
Barbecue of Bastards!
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All Rights Reserved.
Modern Humorist is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.
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