Shop the MH Superstore!

NEWSFLASH: Heather is Banished!

News from the fishbowl:
Heather is banished!

GOD LOVES HER, but the other fish—and 44% of online voters—were a little less enthusiastic about bubbly prom queen Heather. There was plenty of ill-will toward Cindy too, but when all the votes were counted, Heather had the most against her.

Read on to see what happened in the fishbowl last week, then watch the video of Heather being sent home in a way she didn’t quite expect.

Week One:

7/5 Hello, my name is…
Some scales were ruffled almost immediately as Carassius asked to be called "Omega," after the healthy oil commonly found in fish, but no one would. Then Heather made everyone say grace, and Carassius yelled out, "Hey Jesus, Please please us." The other Bowl Guests had a good laugh, but Heather made them wait to eat until she was done reciting Second Corinthians from memory.

7/6 Ralph's marriage advice
Ralph, the only divorcee in the group, opened up to his bowlmates about the pitfalls of marriage. As Heike looked on in horror, Ralph discussed the intimate details of his wife's failings, before turning to the Big Brother camera and saying, "My ex-wife Desiree Quigglesbury of Bismarck, North Dakota, is a bad lover who cheats on her taxes." Heike asked if there might be two sides to the story, and Ralph responded, "Maybe, but you won't hear her side every night on national TV." He then put on a t-shirt with his wife's Visa card number and her weight written on it. Cindy floated into the group discussion, but then someone knocked the bowl and she floated away.

7/8 Big Brother challenge
Big Brother gave the Bowl Guests their first challenge: keep a candle lit for two hours to win some extra food. Unfortunately, the fish were unable even to get their candle lit, perhaps due to the water in their bowl. While the mood was mostly jovial and fun, the contestants began to resent Heather when she started cheerleading in the middle of the challenge, but only for herself. Later she upset her bowlmates further by praying for everyone in the bowl except for those fish that weren't her. Next challenge: drying flowers.

7/11 Morning chores
All the Bowl Guests were up early for morning chores—eating algae, chewing rocks and tending the chickens. For the third morning in a row, Cindy refused to help and the other fish were starting to notice. Even Heike feels like "it just isn't right, ja. She is like a citizen who refuses to fight for her Fatherland." Heather told Big Brother during her daily "confessional," that "God didn't put fish here to float around on their back, dreaming away the day." And Carassius told Ralph in a "private" moment, "I think Cindy likes me. If I'm going to score—and I am going to score—it's probably with her. I do wish she would wash more, since she smells like death." Ralph made no comment on Cindy but did reveal that his ex-wife shoplifted on three occasions in 1987.

7/12 Heather is banished
[ See the final votes | Watch the video ]
Heather’s last words: “I just want to thank God for the opportunity to be here. I was surprised He chose me to leave the bowl so soon, but I know He has a plan. There must be a reason He doesn’t want me there anymore. I guess he's planning to poison the water or something.”

[ Week Two | Week Three | Week Four ]

Copyright 2011 Modern Humorist, Inc.
All Rights Reserved.
Modern Humorist is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.