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NEWSFLASH: Heike is Banished!

News from the fishbowl:
Heike is banished after link
to hate group emerges.

HER BOWLMATES know Heike as a sullen, authoritarian yet strangely charismatic foreigner. Last week, the outside world learned that she has links to one of Europe’s most controversial ultra-right politicians. The bottom line: Heike may think she's a member of the master race, but thanks to 50% of online voters, she won’t be winning the Big Brother race for half a million dollars.

Read on to see what happened in the fishbowl last week, then watch the all-new video of Heather being sent home in a way she didn’t quite expect.

Week Two:

7/13 The morning after
The day after Heather’s banishment was a somber one for the Bowl Guests. Ralph was unusually silent and introspective, only devoting one hour to listing his ex-wife’s failings, Heike muttered something about the survival of the fittest, Cindy seemed bemused, and Carassius said Heather’s greatest loss was that she would never experience "slapping scales" with him. At dinner, no one said grace, but Heike refused to allow anyone to eat until she had said, "Ja, you can eat."

7/14 Cindy wins a challenge
Big Brother challenged the Bowl Guests to a staring contest. One by one the fish gave in to the unblinking eye of the camera, except for Cindy, who stared until her own eye turned gray and fell out. The Big Brother cameraman quit his job at that point, and Cindy was declared the victor. As a prize, the Bowl Guests were given extra food and access to a clock, but Cindy refrained from bragging.

7/16 Fun day, Fun day
Everyone was in good spirits this morning, so Ralph suggested a game of Marco Polo and in no time the fish were splashing around, yelling "Marco" and "Polo" until Cindy was tagged, at which point the game ended. Then Carassius suggested a game of spin the bottle. Ralph said he was "too old for such foolishness" and Heike said she wouldn’t kiss Carassius because he "isn’t my race…I mean, type."

Who is Heike’s type? Outside the bowl, newspapers reported that Heike actually goes by the name Goebbels von Himmler-Eichmann and had acted as an organizer for Austrian politician Jorg Haider. The producers of Big Brother issued a statement saying that they were unaware of Heike’s background and "would not tolerate hate speech on the program, no matter how much it would help our plummeting ratings."

Big Brother called Carassius into confession and asked him why he hadn't yet told the other fish about his HIV status. After blowing a few bubbles, Carassius admitted he was not HIV positive—he just said that to get on the show. To placate Big Brother, Carassius promised to tell the others he had a terrible cold sore and dandruff.

7/18 Killer friendship
Away from the others, Ralph approached Cindy and Big Brother recorded the following shocking conversation:

Ralph: Cindy, you're so quiet, I feel like I can tell you anything.
Cindy: (quiet)
Ralph: (crying) Several years ago I killed my best friend.
Cindy: (rolls over)
Ralph: No, no. It was a hunting accident. We were out hunting and I accidentally choked him to death while yelling, "why did you sleep with my wife, you bastard?!"
Cindy: (floats toward surface)
Ralph: Thanks for listening. Please don't tell the others.

7/19 Heike is banished
[ See the final votes | Watch the video ]
Heike's last words: "I learned a lot about myself and I intend to learn more, that's why I'll be setting up a Web site with 10 of my hottest Austrian girlfriends. One bowl, 40 cameras, live chat rooms, loads of showers:"

[ Week One | Week Three | Week Four ]

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