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MISPRONOUNCING
“NUCLEAR”
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If
you use the word "nuclear" and then find
yourself facing accusations of mispronunciation,
it is best to attack at once.
Using whatever you have with you—a stick, a
camera, a harpoon gun, or your fist—make quick,
sharp, repeated jabs at your opponent's face. |
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Break
free and run through bushes or high weeds, which
will give some cover. |
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Do not use the words "espresso," "homage"
or "Pinochet" for at least 24 hours after
the incident. |
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KARAOKE
OFFICE PARTY
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Stay
where you are.
Try to keep desks, chairs and other people between
you and the karaoke area. |
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Assume
a fixed embarrassed grin. |
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If you see other people off in the distance, try
to signal them using flares, a smoky fire or the
international distress symbol (rolling eyes and
grimacing). |
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If anyone sings "My Heart Will Go On,"
get under a desk or table and curl up in the fetal
position. |
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