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ORCHESTRA SEATS AT
ELTON JOHN AND
TIM RICE’S “AIDA”



Do not crouch down. Hold your ground, wave your arms and shout. Show the musical that you are not defenseless.


When there is a pause in the action, run from the theater.


Get to a place of safety as quickly as possible.
Lie down with your feet lower than your head in a darkened room until you feel better.





Worst-Case Scenarios:
Red wine stain
Mispronouncing "nuclear"
Karaoke office party
Marriage to Billy Bob Thornton
Haggis or blood pudding
Party full of former lovers
Front row at Disney's "Aida"
Your life on "Sex in the City"
Starring in "The Avengers"












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Modern Humorist is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.