Shop the MH Superstore!



SERVED HAGGIS
OR BLOOD PUDDING



Remain calm. Keep your mouth closed so that there is no chance of accidental ingestion.


With your knife or razor blade, make a half-inch horizontal incision in the center of the meal.


Widen the incision using a fork.


Repeat these actions until the dish is taken away.






WALKING INTO A PARTY
AND REALIZING YOU’VE
SLEPT WITH ALL THE
MEN/WOMEN THERE



Keep extremities warm and covered, and maintain an air of dignity.


Administer an anesthetic such as wine or one of the vodka drinks. Do not take more than the dosage indicated. Overmedicating is a common mistake in this situation.


Do not rub your or anyone else's skin with snow, ice or your bare hands.


Move through the party in a zigzag pattern.
When you see a clear escape route, get out of the building quickly. Do not leave with anyone.






Worst-Case Scenarios:
Red wine stain
Mispronouncing "nuclear"
Karaoke office party
Marriage to Billy Bob Thornton
Haggis or blood pudding
Party full of former lovers
Front row at Disney's "Aida"
Your life on "Sex in the City"
Starring in "The Avengers"












Copyright 2011 Modern Humorist, Inc.
All Rights Reserved.
Modern Humorist is not intended for readers under 18 years of age.