alligator in the opening montage? Her cousin is a good friend of one
of our interns. Thats just one of our sources for the exclusive
"Survivor" spoilers well be presenting in this space
every week. The really juicy stuff is written in hidden text, so you
wont accidentally learn anything you cant handle. The really,
really juicy stuff is written in hidden text and rebus form.
COMING UP ON EPISODE SEVEN
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the merger looming, Kucha struggles to deal with the loss of Michael,
whose accident in the previous episode has left the tribe with psychological
scars deeper than the physical ones on his hands, if not quite as gruesome.
"On top of everything, now there's these little bits of charred flesh
floating in the river. I won't even go near it anymore," says Elisabeth,
who is starting to smell as bad as Kimmi. Not everyone is so
upset, however. Shortly after Michael is evacuated a
wild pig dances over and triumphantly rubs the gore from Michael's hands
on its snout.
Michael's accident drives the rest of Kucha to
substance abuse. "We gotta score some more of this 'Kucha Corn,' says
a desperate Jeff, swallowing large handfuls of chicken feed. "The more I eat it, the better it gets!" But while
Alicia is rubbing her eight nipples in pleasure, tragedy strikes
again! Eduardo, strung out on Kucha Corn, announces
that he wants to "be with Michael" and intentionally inhales a lungful
of smoke and passes out into the fire. Instantly, the "Survivor "crew
is on the scene again, including Mark Burnett, who quietly slips a hundred
bucks into Eduardo's rapidly swelling hands. As they did with Michael
just the day before, the medical team administers painkillers and a
green plastic kazoo ("It's actually a pocket didgeridoo,"
As Eduardo is loaded into the helicopter he shares a final touching moment with his teammates."I
love you guys," he tells the weeping tribe. "I
can't see Rodger... I can't see Elisabeth... Now I can't see
Elisabeth's ass. Could you turn around?" Losing
consciousness, Eduardo grabs Rodger's hand and whispers, "The needs
of the many... outweigh the needs of the few... or the one." Later,
Rodger leads the remaining tribe members in a prayer, asking God to
grant Eduardo and his doctors strength, wisdom, dexterity, charisma
and plus five armor class.
Meanwhile, Ogakor continues to obsess about food.
Jerri fantasizes about pouring chocolate over Colby's body, while
everybody else fantasizes about pouring honey over Jerri's body and
strapping her to a hill of fire ants. Keith continues to complain
about the fried green tomatoes, calling Jessica
Tandy's performance "mannered" and "overrated," and he and Jerri argue
until Tina threatens to give them both time outs and take away their
"Rugrats" privileges. Jerri and Amber go back to moaning orgasmically
about chocolate until Mark Burnett arrives and
slips them both hundred dollar bills and a new script. "Mmmm!" moans
Jerri, "Did you know Doritos brand chips release
the same endorphins as sex?" "Oooo yeah!" adds Amber."Do the
Finally it's time to merge, and Ogakor makes the trek over to the Kucha
camp, but not before forcing Jerri to inhale smoke
and pushing her into the fire, saying, "Voting off's too good
for you, bitch."